Patience Is A Virtue

Dear Tiffany, 

Congratulations, on making your Sixteenth trip around the sun.  I am writing to you from the year Two Thousand and Twenty-One. It’s January, so the year just began, and most errybody was happy to see 2020 come to an end.  Just to give you the tea of where we are in the world, the country is battling a deadly pandemic which has claimed the lives of some 400,000 people, racial tensions are high in this country because people of color have had enough of the bs,   and the government is operating on a wing and a prayer. I know it doesn’t sound that exciting, but let me encourage you, in every burden is a blessing, one does not exist without the other. Although we are in perilous times, there is opportunity in these times for many of us to effect change. By all accounts the world has gone to hell and a handbasket, we are definitely in a moment of changing hearts and minds. The change that is required now will take more than a march on Washington. We have to change our society from the inside out, and you will play a big role in that. There are many things that you are interested in, do not discount any of it as it will all play a role in your journey.  I do not want to give it all away, but you have been a beauty product junkie for much of your life.  Beauty and hair have long been part of your self-care routine. These moments where you are just looking to fill time and space, will teach you more about yourself and enable you to create a platform where you will connect with other women, but you have to believe it is possible. Which leads me back to you and your 16th birthday.  

Sixteen is a milestone birthday for so many reasons but mostly you are one year closer to legally being an adult. Don’t get too excited! You still have a few years to go! This is no 13 to 30 story! There are no magic beans in this letter! I know you are longing for the freedom that comes with adulthood.  You imagine what adulthood is based on how you see the lives of the adults around you. You think of what your first place will look like, what type of neighborhood it will be in, and what will be nearby. You wonder how you will spend your free time, and where you will work?

Well, I’m here to tell you it is absolutely awesome. Choosing when you get to go to bed and what time you wake up, what you will have for breakfast, ah, it is heavenly.  You can decide to make pancakes in the middle of the night without being worried about waking the house. Why? Because it will be your house.  Over the next two decades you and your tribe will take the world by storm, and experience all that life has to offer. There will be a lot of good times but there will be disappointment too. I am here to tell you it will be ok.  I hope to shine some light on the world of adulting ahead of you.

Yes, the freedom of adulting is great, but everything comes at a cost. I love the freedom to cook with my hubby late at night.  That freedom however comes with the cost of our providing a home for ourselves. How, you ask? By working at jobs for a minimum of Forty hours a week, oh yeah, kind of like school.  You will love your work, but with it comes expectations from people who can impact the dollar bill. So you will find yourself working to satisfy those expectations to maintain the life you undoubtedly will become accustomed to. In terms of your career what I would tell you is: be flexible, don’t take yourself too seriously, and be willing to say “I do not have the answer to that.”  Tiff, trust your process, the good and bad, it has been ordained for you by God. 

When the rain comes, and unfortunately it will, acknowledge it so that you can begin to heal.  There is nothing that I can tell you that will shield you from your first, fourth, or fifteenth heartbreak. The advice I can give is how to not become your disappointments. As you age there will be this overwhelming need to look like you always have your sh*t together. Reject this, delete, erase this thinking. Nobody has it all together. We all  are doing the best we can so cut yourself some slack. Be authentic in where you are and what you need from the people in your life. Do not fear vulnerability; it will help you connect with those around you and that will help you realize you are never alone. Lean into discomfort, because that is where you will grow.  Learn to cultivate opportunities to keep life fresh and interesting.  

Be your own kind of beautiful, create your own standard and let others choose to join you there or not. Support other women, there is enough for each of you. Invest in your relationships with family and friends, as they are far more valuable than any compensation you can ever earn. Enjoy being a big sister to Trey, those memories will have to last you a lifetime, so be present in everyone. Trust yourself, you have been taught well, you can thank your Mom and Dad for that. 

With Love,

The Seasoned Tiffany